Why oh why do we (okay, I mean me) continue to do something over and over hoping for that elusive positive outcome when chances are whatever it is we are hoping for is a long shot? Why do this to ourselves? This self inflicted madness that we do for fun, love, or in my case a creative designing drive necessary to my very being the draw being too strong to resist. I am trapped in the tractor beam pull of a future in the fashion designer spotlight, accolades pouring over me, waving triumphantly yet oh so graciously to all my fans from the rarefied world of the red carpet, flashbulbs popping as I am handed my winning prize and.....OH! So sorry! I do definitely get carried away by my very fervent desire to be on (and win no less) Project Runway.
I see this all so clearly in my head yet I also know the possibility of this being the conveyor belt on which I ride straight to my dreams of becoming a clothing designer is infinitesimal at best. I mean one person a year has this opportunity and if I am not mistaken this avenue to success will soon be closed as the show will be completing its run on TV after one final season or so I read somewhere.......
A couple of days ago I received what I now term my annual rejection letter. After a lot of work putting my heart and soul into my design application I am emailed a form letter informing me that "after consideration you will not be moving forward in the selection process. But, please don't be discouraged!!!" They tell me, "you are not alone as many others continue to apply multiple times to get on. So please keep designing and we look forward to see what you submit next year." Well gee, that just makes me feel better. I bet it's rigged! They probably have the prospective designers all picked out yet have to make it look like it's an open competition, they just can't realize the great talent that I am....well, at least that's what I tell myself in fleeting bouts of self pity. I mean after 7 years of these rejection letters one has to figure out a way to remove the sting replacing it with that constant, never failing creative spark that just won't let me quit. (or DAMN IT! maybe that's just my fiercely aggressive competitive nature fueling this insanity) Anyway, whatever I need to do to coat and sooth. So now that I have smoothed my ruffled feathers and found a way to start again I continue to hope that next year a different and most positive of outcomes will be in my future.
So.....putting it all out there (again) here I come PROJECT RUNWAY 2019!
5 foot 5' 3/4" (although I am now probably 5'5")